just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
