Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
