I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize
