He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
