please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
