I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I love you. Go after that dick
Just puked most of my soul out..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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