i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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