Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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