My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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