it's too hot outside to masturbate.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
