4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
