He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
