I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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