two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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