My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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