It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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