I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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