no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
