Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She made me pour olive oil on her.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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