woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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