Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
