I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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