We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
