Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you traded sex for a burrito?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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