you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
