: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
