nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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