I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
