I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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