I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
