biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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