Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
