I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
