I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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