wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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