ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
