First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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