How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Found the puke drawer
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
