I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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