the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
