his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
