went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
