In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
