OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
