Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
