worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
