If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
