Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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