ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
