She announced her abortion via fbk
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
