she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
