in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Houston, we have a squirter
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
