Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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