Will you blow on my dice?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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