A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Can Purell be used as lube?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
