Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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