don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
