There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
