Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
