there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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