peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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