Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
