Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
