no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
