i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
