My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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