let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
