he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Sober January is a disaster.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
