and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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