two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
