come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
