After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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