This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
