Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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