I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
